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How to Teach Kids About Unsafe Secrets Without Scaring Them
By Sue Donnellan | Parenting Mentor & Educator, Award-Winning Author, Mom of 4
For a long time, I thought “stranger danger” was the whole safety talk.
Don’t get in a car with someone you don’t know. Don’t go looking for a lost puppy.
Then I served on our state’s grand jury for child abuse cases, and everything I thought I knew turned upside down.
I saw case after case in which the person who hurt the child wasn’t a stranger. It was someone the child knew, trusted, and saw regularly.
A coach. A neighbor. A family friend. Sometimes even a family member.
That experience taught me that keeping kids safe requires more than warning them about strangers.
Children need the ability to notice when something feels wrong, even when the person seems nice and even when it’s someone the family trusts.
Teaching my own kids these skills gave them something they still carry today: the confidence to trust their instincts, no matter who is standing in front of them.
Teach Kids to Recognize “Don’t Tell”
One important red flag children need to recognize is when someone says:
“Don’t tell your mom or dad.”
Kids need to know that they can always tell you when someone makes them uncomfortable, asks them to break a family safety rule, or pressures them to keep something from you.
They also need words they can use to get out of an uncomfortable situation safely.
Give Kids Safety Scripts They Can Use
In this Ask Mom Parenting Podcast episode, I share practical language and conversations that can help you prepare your child without making them afraid of everyone around them.
You’ll learn:
- Why “Don’t tell your mom or dad” is an important red flag and what children can say in response
- What grooming can sound like before a situation appears dangerous
- Scripts kids can use with pushy friends, from the toddler years through the teens
- The sleepover conversation many parents skip
- How to talk about personal safety without turning safety into fear
- How to get my free Safety Tips & Scripts PDF so you have the language available when you need it
This episode gives you real scripts, useful language, and conversations you can begin having with your child today.
Or listen wherever you get your podcasts.
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Meet the Author
Sue Donnellan is a parenting consultant, mom of four, including triplets, and the founder of Ask Mom Parenting. For more than 25 years, she has helped parents understand what’s behind their child’s behavior, stop the yelling, and raise capable kids who know how to handle real life.
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